Thankful 5.

To the girl I share a brain with:

Thank you for being my "clone". Thank you for words spoken at once, ideas thought up in two different cities, for showing up at my house at two in the morning, for emails and messages that could become a novel, for pretty pictures, for rides in ambulances, for handholding, for supporting, for giving space, for talking through movies, for asking "Did you wash?", for gawking at men, for crying, for half cognitive epiphanies, for eight hour car trips, for sleeping until the afternoon has passed us by, for midnight pizza, for being mistaken for a lesbian couple, for looks exchanged without words, for bedtime movie watching, for jelly-fish transporting, for encouragement, and bringing me back down to earth when I need it most.

This New Year's feels especially lonely when we're not sharing it (again). I miss you sorely and you're on the brain this evening dear friend. I'm not quite sure what I'll do when you fly half way around the world from me but I'm almost certain we can do anything.

We could probably take over the world. Or at least get to North Carolina in a timely manner.

Retrospective

The things I would tell myself a year ago:

- Find the joy in the things you find joy-less.
- Do what you want.
- Follow what you love.
- Crying is okay.

- Physical pain is relative.

- Don't underestimate the power of really bad rap music.

- Dance. Just go and dance.

- Being alone isn't as scary as you think.

- Being alone can actually be pretty great (and feel free to explain this to people when you take yourself out to dinner).

- Feelings are allowed.

- You are going to find friends in unexpected ways. Get over it.

- You are more like your parents than you will ever admit.

Holidays

Stockings, art, candles, a blanket over the fireplace, Buddha, Ganesh, incense, ancestors, books, Madonna and my sweet sweet dog.

If this doesn't say holidays at my mother's house, I don't know what does. Also- we get Tết suckers (no, that isn't a place).

Thankful 4.

To the place that helped me grow up:

Thank you! Watching this today made me miss you and I see a visit in my future.

Thankful 3.

To the one who says everything's right:

The first thing I have to say is that I miss you.

I miss you.

And I'm still hurt and angry every morning when I wake up, turn over, and your side of the bed is empty. I am also able to be thankful for the fact that you aren't there. Having you in my life these last two years has made me grow and change in ways I never truly thought possible. Thank you for showing me kindness, compassion, honesty and how to challenge the world. Thank you for making me stick up for myself and follow my dreams. Thank you for your joy, laughter, and willing to be who you were. Thank you for not settling.

Thank you for making me fall in love with your mind and for proving to me that it was possible. You showed me that love could be expressed in ways that weren't words. Thank you for being part of my larger family and letting me into your family as well. Thank you for showing me what family really is. Thank you for giving me space to be angry. Thank you for being willing to go on adventures with me.

Thankful 2.

To the one with the yellow teeth:

{Your teeth, in all honesty, are pretty awesome.}

Thanks for being the calm, adult, and reasonable word of wisdom in my world of parents that sometimes say less than sane things. Thank you for guiding me by imparting your own experience and opinion and always giving me a chance to speak my mind without fearing persecution.

Thank you for bringing into the world the little mischievous elf that I'm proud to call my little sister. Thank you for re-creating our family because the joy and evenness you bring might be the only thing getting me through this part of my life.

Thank you for the laughs we have shared. Thank you for showing me how I can become any person I want and especially for showing me how to be a strong, graceful woman in this society.

Thank you.

Thankful 1

To the man who lives in the last century:

Thank you for teaching me to savour the independence I love. I'm happy that our relationship has grown and changed from those days when I'd shut myself in my cold room and shove mean, cruelly written notes underneath my door. Because of the physical space we now have between us as well as a few years, I see a lot of things I respect in you.

Thank you for being fearless in changing your life for the better. Thank you for bringing an understanding, compassionate, funny, and beautiful mama figure into my life. I am thankfu that giggly butterball of wonderment that the two of you now have.

Thank you for the seersucker suits, the salmon and madras shorts, the preppy Ray Bans, the endless pairs of Keens and Chacos, the corduroy blazers and that beard that used to make the neighbors think we were Mennonite.

Thank you for my overly sarcastic sense of humor and all the laughs we have shared. Thank you for sending me messages of support and love in whatever I attempt, even though the path I want to take in my life so greatly differs from your own. Thank you for a genetic predisposition to insomnia, being inflexible, blindness, and a love of procrastination.

Christmas

For whatever reason, I grew up in a family that celebrated Christmas. This seems rather normal until you realize that my mother doesn't have a complete understanding of most Western holidays. She tries to go to the post office or the library on Thanksgiving, Easter, and the Fourth of July and then calls me to complain when she can't get her errands done. As the holiday approaches (and I slack off of my ever looming finals) the Christmas spirit in this world has become more and more apparent. People undergo extreme personality changes just for this part of the year. This weekend I've dealt with people who are generally short with me and they've been willing to let almost anything go. I don't hate the holiday spirit, but why can't people have that attitude all the time? In order to combat this I've decided to flaunt my thankfulness for the life I get to lead with a new series of things and people I'm thankful for. Yes, I'm starting it during this puke-tastic Thankfulness infested extravaganza but it'll keep going after that. Long after.

Margaret Cho

The woman was a small hero for me. My mom and I don't usually share anything resembling a sense of humor but we'd sit on the couch and watch her overly crude, Asian-mocking stand up shows until our stomachs couldn't take the torture of our laughter. I'm not sure how I feel about Dancing With the Stars (as both a human being, a non-TV watcher, and a dancer) but if that's what Margaret feels she needs to do then I'm behind it! I am not however behind Bristol Palin attacking the openly bi-sexual and fantastic LGBT rights activist. Not cool Bristol, not cool. You can read about it in NY Mag here.