Last weekend I managed to have a brief but lovely heart to heart with the now previous hausmate, MK. I've been psyching myself up about leaving for weeks now. New college wasn't my first choice, I wasn't even going to apply.. My mother made me visit and although campus was pretty students I came in contact with seemed uninterested in their world and themselves. It was almost disturbing coming from my liberal, multigenerational haven. And months later, new college still isn't my first choice. I don't doubt my own ability to make the best of it but I'm not excited. Anyway, as a way of dealing with this up I have generally talked about school A LOT. I have not talked about leaving or admitted to it or the fact that I'm leaving some of the people I love most in the universe.
I have lived here for the majority of my 19 years. There were smaller periods by the sea or up north but this town is the only place I would ever consider "home". I want to shout my love of this town, its people, the obsession with Thomas Jefferson, the restaurants, the mountains surrounding the town, all of that, I want to shout about it. Having lived here so long, lots of loved ones have left me. Leaving is a brand shiny new feeling. I'm not sure I like it really. It's awkward and I don't really know what to do with it so I carry it around mostly in a paper sack. I wonder when to take it out and be honest about it and when to hide it behind my back and pretend it's a happy thing.
Leaving now sucks for my loved ones who are staying. I trust that they wish the best for me but I'll still miss them. The last year was one of the happiest of my life and I attribute that to many here and those are the ones I am sorry to leave. Don't worry, I can't stay away and the USPS can be our friend.
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